Only Two Models

I have discovered over the years there is virtually only two models of anything. Before I get in to my reasoning for believing this I would like to explain why I find it necessary to share such valuable information with you. I designed and built our home over four years ago. Because we had decided on hydronic (floor heated by water pipes underneath) I did a lot of research on water heater/boilers. I settled on a model that was the latest, high efficiency, stainless steel, nothing ever goes wrong with it boiler. It lasted two years.

Now we all know there are always those products made on Friday in which the factory line worker left something off, didn’t tighten something properly or did some other shoddy work in anticipation to the weekend ahead. This company was Johnny on the spot in getting me a new boiler and it was almost plug and play so I was able to install the thing myself in short order. Ahhhh yes, hot water once again providing for those hot invigorating showers and that wonderful warmth for our home these cold winter months. Just imagine, you crawl out of bed and walk barefoot across a toasty warm floor to immerse yourself beneath that almost to hot spray in your shower. Yep, life is as it should be.


That is to say life was as it should be. You can imagine my surprise when on Thanksgiving day I awoke to a cold floor and even colder shower. You can read about that incident in the previous post. Now being the mechanical genius, sex symbol, bon vivant and all around nice guy that I am, I proceeded the day after Thanksgiving to repair this fail safe boiler of mine. I knew it was an igniter problem. How did I know? There was a little light blinking on the panel that said "YOU HAVE AN IGNITER PROBLEM!" So down to the boiler store to pick up a new igniter. I even got an extra one for backup. Two days later it’s back to the store for more igniter’s. You know something is amiss when the people at the store know you by your first name and when they see you driving up have your parts already at the counter with the invoice made out.
Now I’m no dummy (an opinion on which I have been unable to achieve consensus) so I decided it was time to secure the help of a professional. Maybe that little blinking light on the panel had been misinforming me. The technician showed up today and one look at his face when he saw my ultra high tech, cutting edge water heater/boiler spoke volumes. After an expensive survey of the problem I was informed that - no.... I did not get another Friday misfit I was the proud owner of "THAT MODEL" which brings me to my conclusion that there are only two models of anything. There is THIS MODEL and there is THAT MODEL. It doesn’t matter what you buy there is only THIS MODEL & THAT MODEL. Here is how it works. You walk into the store, showroom, discount center or wherever to purchase a widget (this represents whatever it is you are buying) the sales person approaches you and asks if he/she can help. You indicate your old widget seems to be on it’s last leg as you bought it 35 years ago. At this point you are informed widget technology has come a long way. "We have the top models of every widget ever made" you are told. "Even last years top of the line widget can not compare to THIS MODEL" you are informed. Not being an impulsive buyer you spend time on the internet or the (gulp) library researching widgets and discover THIS MODEL is indeed cutting edge. So it’s back to the store to lay down your yet to be earned cash in the form of a plastic card.


It has to be the longest drive home you have ever made because you are enjoying such excitement and exultation there is no way you can not stop and show all of your friends your one of a kind find. Why do they have that smirk on their face? You wonder. But that’s OK you’ll have the last laugh when they get to experience all your widget can do. And then it happens, there is some sort of problem with your widget. You take it back to the store and for some peculiar reason can not find that widget expert that sold THIS MODEL. You ask to see a widget technician and when you show him your widget he exclaims "oh yeah.... THAT MODEL... we have had a lot of problems with THAT MODEL." You further learn the iron clad warranty was valid only as long as the widget was in the original box with all of the seals unbroken. And guess where that warranty is. You guessed it .... inside of the sealed box.


So there you have it, two models. The THIS MODEL which is sold as the best ever and the THAT MODEL as in "we have had a lot of problem with THAT MODEL."
Now that I have discovered I need to replace my water heater/boiler (widget) the biggest problem I face is not that I had purchased THIS MODEL, it is facing all of my smirking friends.

Written Dec. 2, 2008